Let it be within me

Our Father

(Mother, Creator, Thou, Lover-of-my-soul, Savior-Redeemer, Eternal-One, I-Am, my Author, One-God, Holy-One)

Who art in heaven

(Thou who is eternal and more present here and now than anything else)

Hallowed be Thy Name,

(Blessed are You, Lord God of all creation!  Blessed be the Name of the Lord!)

Thy kingdom come

(Lord, what is your kingdom?  Your kingdom here is service, and willingness to suffer without retaliation; what a kingdom!  But it is also joy and celebration: celebration of being.  Celebration of Creator-with-creature.  Thank You!)

Thy will be done

(Thy will: that is not always clear.  Live.  Love.  Let it be.  But the details are tough to discern at times.  Your will for me now seems to be Let go.  Thank You!)

On earth

(Lord, I am sorry we humans have messed up Your lovely garden.  You created, and it was Good.  But then we sinned, and screwed up everything.  And yet, “oh happy fault!” that brings me the cross, My Savior Jesus loving me beyond all measure.  What a savior, what a mystery, amazing grace, wondrous love, oh Lord my God I am not worthy to receive You but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.  Praise me Jesus.  Thank You, Abba-Papa.  Bless You Jesus.  Joy-joy Holy Spirit!  Thank You, Lord, that although I am only a sojourner here, and this earth is not my eternal home, and that you have prepared a place for me in heaven with You, even so, thank You for having created such a beautiful and wondrous world.  Please help me clean up my little corner.)

As it is in heaven.

(Heaven.  Sigh.  I so often think of heaven as “over there.”  But there are moments when I realize the threshold of heaven is all around me and within me.  The threshold of heaven.  I saw that door wide open with light pouring through when JG was dying.  I felt the door open and close when Dad passed through.  I felt Mom slip through a waiting open door.  Lord, have mercy.  These are realities too powerful for me.  Papa, I weep for remaining on this side.  But I thank You for glimpses into Home, and I thank You my loved ones are there.  Blessed be Your Holy Name forever and ever.)

Give us this day our daily bread

(Lord, what do I need?  You have given me so much.  I feel the need to write.  Can you give me bread for writing?  Can you give me my voice?  I so often get stuck on wondering why I find it so hard to speak.  But what is it I want to say?  So often others discount my perspective.  That is just not right.  But how is it I can’t rebut?  Do I not have the energy?  Do I not have the resolve?  Do I not have the words?  Sometimes I am simply just so very disgusted that anyone would have the gall to contradict me — when I am telling my memory of my experience.  Arguing.  What is it people are trying to achieve in arguing?  And with me?  I listen, long and attentively.  And then I speak.  Must I train others how to listen?  Probably.  Yuck.  I do this naturally and happily as a teacher.  But there are many (most?) times when, with a peer, I just want to be heard — as an independent equal; i.e. discipline your own ears!  Listen!  Hear me, without me having to do the work to open your ears!)

And forgive us our trespasses

(Forgive me when I haven’t listened to others or interrupted them, or not really heard them.  Forgive me for when I haven’t spoken up out of cynicism or disdain or fatigue.  Forgive me for depending on others to hear in order to speak.  Show me how to speak what I have to say, even if no-one listens.)

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

(Forgiving others… I’ve done so much of this, and yet it is rare that I get it done completely; I seem to need a multi-layered multi-faceted process.  It takes time.  I forgive and think I’ve forgiven, let go, but it’s just one layer.  Then I grow/ move-on and another layer reveals itself, and I have to forgive deeper and deeper.  I really hope to have forgiven everyone everything completely before I die.  Is this really possible?  I have to believe it is.  Jesus did it.  But He was God.  Yes, but His Spirit lives within me and is transforming me into the Person He created me to be, which is in His own Image: that means I was created with the capacity to forgive like God forgives.  Wow.  Oh my.  I just got dizzy.  What a terrific thought: terrifyingly full of responsibility, but also terrible in beauty.  Lord-God, what have You done!  You have given us Yourself!  Lord-God, have mercy on me.  Help me with each next little step.  Can I bear more than that?  Could You ever ask me to leap?  Yes, I bet You could.  Have mercy on me, Lord.  Jesu juva.)

And lead us not into temptation

(Here’s the thing about temptation: I don’t think You ever do “lead” us there.  We look and we desire, and then if we haven’t “fixed our eyes on Jesus” we often sin — we choose something other than You.  So what are these things that are not ours for the choosing?  Many of the things that “tempt” us are perfectly valid in their existence; the temptation is our lust for them, our lust to make them our own.  There really is very little that can be owned.  Even most resources are just on loan to us.  Certainly humans are never meant to be owned or objectified in any way.  Even animals are only for us to care-for.  So, what tempts me these days?  I suppose it would be to despair.  To become cynical?  Hmm…  I don’t think I’m really cynical; I’m too much of a Believer.  I don’t mean that in the religious sense; I mean that I am inherently one-who-believes.  I tend to seek and find what I can affirm; I embrace; I speak “Yes!” — much more than I ever denounce or reject or cast away.  Hmmm… maybe I do need to add “No!” to my vocabulary!  I’ve certainly been learning that I need to say no to certain people, certain things, certain ways of thinking…  But it almost always feels like a foreign language; there is a measure of pain to me, an experience of violence to my Person that I should have to define a barrier.  I long so much for boundless expanding.  I long to fly.  I long to become “one with the universe”!  Ha, ha.  It’s true.  But it’s so manic.  Naive?  I don’t know.  How else could I conceive of God?  Isn’t God boundless?  Isn’t God making “all things work together for good for those who love Him”?  Love.  Love has no limits.  Love can love even through the “no”s.  Ha!  Sounds like through the “nose”!  A bloody nose.  That’s boundless love.  Someone punches you in the nose, and you bleed, and you find a way to love anyway.  Sigh.  Lord Jesus, come quickly.  I am not up to this.)

But deliver us from evil

(Yes, there it is: the cry to deliver us.  Take us away from that which would destroy us; birth us into Being.)

For Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory,

(For everything is Yours.  In You I live and move and have my being.  Everything was created through and for Jesus.  It’s all about You.  And I thank You.  What a relief!  Papa, I am grateful to be just one little spark darting about in Your glorious heavens.  Let me please You.  I do desire one thing:  to be one with You.)

Forever and ever.

(And even now.)

Amen.

(So be it; even within me.)